Tips for Sneaking Food into the Movies

When my mother was growing up in Spanish Harlem, folks used to put a whole pizza or even a turkey into a baby carriage, cover it up with a blanket, and stroll it right in.

My family still loves to sneak some food into a movie theater. Mami, now a pastor, still rationalizes breaking the rules with the fact that her snacks are healthier than anything you can buy at the theater. Titi and I just like to feel naughty. And we’re cheap.

Here’s a tip from me to you: Think twice about sneaking in a burrito. Seems like a great idea, right? Well, it is if you want to find sticky rice encrusted to your butt after the movie.

All the problems started when I removed the foil because it was making so much noise. A ton of stuff fell out. Nothin’ weird goin’ on here, Guy Behind Me. Just picking black beans and grains of rice out of my lap. I could barely enjoy the blessed thing, worried as I was about the sound and the smell. Soooo… Learn from my mistake tonight, and stick with these more sneakable foods:

  • Homemade popcorn. Obvious.
  • If you’re at Woodland, guac and chips from the Tex-Mex restaurant nearby and Godiva chocolates from the mall. Chips are really best for action movies because all the explosions cover up the sound of the crunching.
  • If you’re at Knapp’s corner, Crackerjack, Café Solace comfort cookies, and Ben & Jerry’s from Meijer. Just make sure you can eat an entire pint or have someone to share it with. A half-pint of soupy, melted ice cream will totally blow your cover.
  • Bring your own water. Seriously.
  • Leftover pizza is pretty much solid gold.
  • Sushi, just be careful with the soy sauce.

Photo by: Mr. Ducke

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5 comments on “Tips for Sneaking Food into the Movies
  1. Katie says:

    Also for Woodland- there’s a Cosmic Candy Shop that I recently discovered in the mall! It’s right near the South entrance by Bar Louie.

  2. beth says:

    When I was a movie theater usher many years ago, I used to find piles of pistachio nut shells under seats. For some reason pistachios seemed like wildly inappropriate movie theater food to me. After having read this entry, however, it looks like perhaps my scope of acceptable movie food is just too, too narrow.

  3. rusty says:

    remember the really cheap theater on alpine avenue? i once snuck in there with my friend mark, and we put two huge sodas in our winter coat pockets.
    since they showed older movies, they made like ALL their money off of snacks. accordingly, they actually had a guy go around with a flashlight and check for potential criminals.
    so of course he was about to shine his light on me, and i panicked. i put the soda between my legs to try and hide it (a 20 oz), but i accidentally kicked it over and it rolled ALL the way down to the front of the theater, since the floor was basically just a 15 degree slope to the screen. i will never forget the loud, sticky sound it made.

  4. buckshot says:

    that sushi was a great sneak! the soy sauce was a bit sketchy (and smelly once it tipped). what movie was that–double indemnity?
    also, the huge 1980s mom purse that my aunt had when she took us to see the michael keaton batman could hold hamburgers and fries for five people…crucial! there’s a tip: accessorize. I could put a pound of m&ms between two pints of ben and jerry’s in the arm of my jacket, and drape that over my arm–very non-chalant.
    one bad idea from my roommates in college: a two liter pop bottle filled with draft beer, snuck in under a coat. honestly, if you have a keg in your house, you’re probably drunk enough without bringing another half-gallon of beer into the theater.

  5. regroup_gr says:

    A friend of mine once put a bag of microwave popcorn under her shirt pretending to be pregnant. I was terrified we would be caught, but no one suspected a thing. And to some degree, I doubt anyone would really say anything unless you are super obvious.

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I'm a smart, sassy, globally-mobile freelance writer, content creator, brand journalist and nonprofit storyteller. The world is my office. Email me to find out more.
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